Never in a million years did I think that I would look forward to changing a diaper. To be honest, I have probably changed less than 10 diapers in my lifetime before Kaia was born. The other day though, Kaia dropped a doozie of a diaper on me. One of those that you open and just have to turn your head as it was filled from front to back. I had to diagram a plan of attack on the cleaning process. No leakage, thanks Pamapers, but filled to the brim with that yummy mustardy waste. To say the least, it was a small balancing act as I positioned her on the table. As I began to remove her clothes, a huge smile came on her face and my heart melted. More than just being fresh and clean, I think she enjoys putting me through the rigors of parenting. Opening up the diaper almost left me in tears… and these were not tears of joy. 45 seconds and 7 wet wipes later, she was all smiles and all cleaned up. I had conquered the poopie diaper. The question I had for myself was how could I find joy in the one thing I dreaded about being a parent. Everyone had always told me that it is different when it is your child… This is true. It is not the bond that most parents share I imagine, but nonetheless, I am getting a chance to make her happy. Something that I never felt before takes over inside you as you realize that most important thing in your life is not your life at all. Now look forward to diaper time… It will be hard to see who’s smile is bigger too…Kaia’s or Mine.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Frozen Dreams
It is hard for me to believe that Kaia has only been here 6 weeks. I truly can not remember a time before she got here. It always bothers me when people say that a baby will change your life. I don’t 100% agree with this statement. In my case, Kaia has truly enhanced my life, but I wouldn’t say she has changed it completely. My life was just fine without a child, but I always knew that something more was just waiting to happen. My entire life I have dreamed these moments that are now in existence. My dreams just remained frozen until they could be realized by her. I look at her an almost melt when I see her smile. It is something that I could have never imagined, but have always dreamed about.
In the short six weeks that she has been here, I have been on an emotional high. The depth of my love has been expanded to a whole new level. Kaia has awoken feelings and emotions I never knew I had. More than ever before, I have a greater love for God and deeper understanding for my parents.
Kaia ‘s birth has shown me the miracle of life. It is truly a humbling experience when you are present at the first breath of a new life. Somewhere between Adam and Eve and the big bang is the truth. That simple truth is that God Loves us and made us in his image. He has given us the ability to create life too, and no greater gift can be given. Understanding the full spectrum of this gift gives me a deeper perspective of Gods love for us. Just as I get all misty eyed over every little thing Kaia does, I imagine the heavens rejoice every time a lost soul finds its way home. The joy I get when Kaia smiles at me is the same Joy God must feel when we turn our eyes upon him as well…
I now also understand my parents pride and joy in seeing all of their children excel. Understanding the relationship between my earthly parents strengthens my relationship with my spiritual one. I don’t know that I would have completely understood these feelings unless Kaia was here. Having a child opens parts of your psyche that can not be measured by cognitive test. My mother and father have always shown me “unconditional love” beyond what I could comprehend at the time. As I said, these feelings have always existed inside me, but were just frozen in my dreams. As I picked up my mother from the airport the other night, I now completely understood the twinkle in her eye she has when she looks at me… I unfroze her dreams too…
Rock Chalk Baby
I have recently received gifts from my extended family in Kansas. It is something that I never expected, but am so thankful for to have received. Although these outfits have not brought us any luck on game days, it is a joy to watch a Jayhawk game with my daughter and I decked out in KU gear! The one thing these outfits have brought to our household is love. I am almost ashamed to admit that I am terrible in keeping in contact. I have met some of the most amazing people in my life. My friends are people that I hold in very high esteem, yet it has never dawned on me to make sure I say “happy birthday” or more importantly… “Congratulations” on the birth of their brand new child. Having it all now come full circle is an awakening on the importance correspondence. Opening these packages brought tears to my eyes. Not for the gifts, (even though they were very cool), the thoughtfulness and love in each gift made me realize how blessed I have been. Although they have never met Kaia, the love they had for me compelled them to send a gift for her… wow… I felt pretty darn special at that moment… and pretty dumb too…
I cant promise that I wont make this mistake again in the future, but I hope to have an opportunity to show my friends that they mean as much to me as I do to them.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
A Smile to light up the world!!
This morning I woke up early and watched some Sportscenter. After a little while I walked into the bedroom to see Kaia lying next to Mandi in bed. They were both awake and just lounging on a Sunday morning. Kaia was loving on her binky. I walked over to kiss her mother and give her a kiss too. As I leaned in for the kiss, she spit out her binky and began to smile…. At me, she smiled. I was stopped dead in my tracks and my jaw dropped.
It is hard to explain the joy that rushed into my heart, but for the past 30 days I have been in awe of this little child. Today that awe was taken to a whole new level. I couldn’t imagine that I could ask for a better present on her 1 month birthday. Mandi laughed at my reaction until she saw how moved I was. Yes, it is one of a million smiles she will make in her life, but it was the 1st smile given to me. She can’t speak, she can’t write a letter, she can’t read these words that I write to her, but today she sent me a message that I will remember for the rest of my life. She told me in her own special way…. I love you Daddy…
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Cutting Ties
It was never my plan to cut the umbilical cord. I didn’t think I could stomach it. I am not the squeamish type, but I am not a fan of blood either. When the moment came though, I couldn’t be more honored than to cut the cord that brought our daughter to life. It was more than symbolic, it was a moment that I will cherish for the rest of my time here on earth.
After the cord was cut, the nurses crimped the end and put on a blue dye on it to advance the healing process. Over the past 3 weeks Mandi and I have been in charge of a daily cleaning ritual with alcohol wipes every time we change her. It has been a subtle reminder of the birthing process and how very young Kaia is even though she has been here for what seems to be my entire life.
Yesterday Kaia lost her blue thingy. (I don’t know the medical term, so for the purpose of this entry, a “blue thingy” will suffice.) Just as symbolic of cutting the cord was for me, this was a special moment as it was another step in her development. Already over 9lbs, her growth in the past couple weeks has been rapid. She is already starting to show signs of recognition for her mother and I. She is becoming more and more vocal each day, and is starting to use her muscles to look around when held.
A small one, but a “baby” step in the right direction for Kaia. I couldn’t be a prouder daddy of my little girl. I look at her growing rapidly and wonder if this feeling of euphoria will ever end? Even in my disappointments and time of anger, I can’t imagine a time that my love for her will cease to exist. Unlike the umbilical cord, this is a bond that will never be broken.
I just hope it’s an innie and not an outey!!
Friday, October 1, 2010
Staring Contest
It is hard for me not to stare. As a child growing up you are always taught not to stare at people as it is considered rude. Funny, telling someone not to do something you are doing yourself is always the best policy for a parent. It is in our nature to stare or admire visual items that catch our attention, both good and bad. It is that feeling you get when you are walking down a street and a Ferrari simmers by, your jaw hits the ground as you admire the craftsmanship of one of the finest built automobiles in the world. It’s okay to stare here. It is also that feeling you get when you see a parent discipline a child too harshly in the line at Wal Mart. This brings the other emotion and causes you to stare just long enough not to step into action. It’s not good to stare here.
From the very first moments of Kaia’s birth, it’s been hard for me not to stare. I am biased. I am her father and will always think she is the most beautiful girl in the world, but since her birth, I have found myself starting at her in sheer awe. Whether it was through the glass of the nursery, or standing over her cradle at night, I find myself staring at this little girl with inability to look away. From the straight black hair on her head (and one little blond streak), to her perfectly formed toes, there is not an millimeter of this child that I have not admired. Her lips are ones that would make Angelina Jolie jealous, and she is only 20 days old. (Better get a gun license) She has features that I can only imagine will break many hearts in her lifetime, I just hope it’s not mine. I may not be able to handle that fall from Grace.
I am amazed by those people who do not believe in God. Whether you believe the Judeo – Christian God, or Ganesha from Eastern practices, the God figure is central to our belief structure. At the heart of my personal faith I look at the creation story as more of an allegory than a play by play story. The most crucial passage is the section in Genesis where god decides to make Adam. The conversation between “God” is such an enlightening look at this deity. The decision to create man in “our” image is more than that of just a physical approach; it is the ability to create something that can also create. This make us unique amongst all living creatures. Yes we are made in God’s image in so many ways. On the seventh day God rested to take stock of all that he had made. As Adam began to name all the trees in the Garden, I am sure God took a few moments to stare and admire his greatest passion of all of his creations.
When Kaia made her way into this world, that ability to create really hit home with me. I was taken back in amazement of this creation. Perfect in every aspect, yet fragile and dependant upon love. ( Much like mankind.) It amazed me beyond tears as I bathed in the radiance of the moment. I could only imagine the moment that God breathed that first breath into Adam, just as Kaia took that first breath, you cant help but stare.
Maybe I will nickname her “Enzo”.
Monday, September 27, 2010
10 & 2
It’s amazing how you remember all of your proper driving protocols when you are carrying precious cargo. I never took “Drivers Ed” in High School. My parents let me drive the 1 mile back and forth to church every Sunday morning at age 15. This was a small test in comparison to all of the midnight joyrides I used to take when they were sleeping. When I turned 16, a driver’s license was a short multiple choice tests and a three point turn away. As I learned quickly, real world driving took place at a much faster rate than I thought. Glancing at the drivers book did nothing to prepare you for 20 ton 18 wheelers barreling on your back, real world driving was the only thing that could make you ready. Taking this into consideration, I chose to use the summer of my 16th birthday as a “test track’ for my driving skills. I was even able to convince my parents to let me drive to and from band practice without a license for a week. By the time my 16th birthday came, a license was a mere formality. I was a seasoned driver with plenty of real world driving hours on my belt. I took my drivers test the weekend before school started, just to make it legit.
A certain amount of adrenaline goes into your system the first time you do something. Like riding a roller-coaster for the first time, the clickity clack of the ascent ushers in a sensation that something special is about to occur. As I pulled the car up to the entrance of the hospital, I felt those butterflies all over again. My little girl was coming home.
My first obstacle was figuring out the child seat. Not an easy task for a four door car. Suddenly, good enough to get you from A – B was not good enough. Cars and “car” seats don’t always make the perfect match. Reading the instructions on proper installation of the child seat are easy, but the great debate continues on whether a child should ride forwards or backwards. I took the advice of Aunt Kathleen and made sure Kaia’s seat was securely in backwards. With anticipation I awaited for Mandi’s chariot wheelchair to arrive. Seeing her and Kaia come out of the hospital doors was surreal. It didn’t seem as though this fairy tale was real, yet I was a main character. Nevertheless, Cinderella needed a ride home and I was driving the carriage.
Once Kaia was securely in the car, Mandi hopped around to the back seat and sat with her. My mind flashed to those driving books. I remember to check all angles before pulling out of the parking lot. With my hands firmly on 10 & 2, I slowly guided the car down 434 to I-4. If I could show white knuckles I would have as I had tight grip on the wheel. All of my driving senses came back to me as we navigated the 20 mile journey home. My cell phone offered no distraction as phone calls and text messages tried their best to obstruct me from the road. (I realized how many times I have put someone else’s Cinderella in harms way by looking at an unimportant text or email. Nevermore will this happen.)
Looking in my rear view mirror I could see Mandi smiling from ear to ear. Our little princess was safely tucked in her Graco chariot. We were heading home with the most precious gift ever given to us. As I thanked God for this wonderful blessing, two things really hit home with me:
1
- This was going to be a “joy” ride like none other.
- I may need to buy a Mini Van
Monday, September 20, 2010
In transit
Most people do not know that I was born in New York. The Bronx to be exact. I claim most of my roots to be Jamaican eventhough I lived most of my life in Florida. The one thing I miss about living in New York are the trains. I love trains like nothing else. When living in the Bay area, I looked forward to taking the BART and Cal Train into the city. It offered such a sure transit to whatever destination you needed. It was a great way to get from A to B.
In California my girlfriend at the time and I used the BART as a way of Transportation. She lived in the mission district and I lived south of the city in San Mateo. We used the BART station in Burlingame as a way of transit depot for our two locations. Each way we were met with smiles of hello and frowns of good-bye. Our relationship came to an end we said goodbye one last time as she boarded a plane headed east to Boston. The feeling of sorrow stuck with me. Even though we tried to make it work over distance, our relationship was never the same.
I realized something during the birth of Kaia. As I was walking into the elevator that night to bring up the baby bag from the car, an elderly couple were just leaving. Our emotional states were polar opposite of each other. I was saying hello, and they were saying goodbye. It broke my heart to think that as I am having the most amazing experience of my life, they are experiencing the depth of human emotion also. This is all happening under one roof.
Hospitals are soul depot stations. They usher new ones in and take older ones away. I imagine looking at these places around the world with a view from space. I imagine seeing new lights flicker and burn bright as older ones burn through their last bit of oil. The radiance of souls passing through must illuminate the heavens.
Passing that couple again reminded me of the precious gift that is life. We should value it and cherish every moment here on earth. We will never know when our final trip is coming, but it will come for us all. I pray that mine comes many decades before Kaia’s.
In California my girlfriend at the time and I used the BART as a way of Transportation. She lived in the mission district and I lived south of the city in San Mateo. We used the BART station in Burlingame as a way of transit depot for our two locations. Each way we were met with smiles of hello and frowns of good-bye. Our relationship came to an end we said goodbye one last time as she boarded a plane headed east to Boston. The feeling of sorrow stuck with me. Even though we tried to make it work over distance, our relationship was never the same.
I realized something during the birth of Kaia. As I was walking into the elevator that night to bring up the baby bag from the car, an elderly couple were just leaving. Our emotional states were polar opposite of each other. I was saying hello, and they were saying goodbye. It broke my heart to think that as I am having the most amazing experience of my life, they are experiencing the depth of human emotion also. This is all happening under one roof.
Hospitals are soul depot stations. They usher new ones in and take older ones away. I imagine looking at these places around the world with a view from space. I imagine seeing new lights flicker and burn bright as older ones burn through their last bit of oil. The radiance of souls passing through must illuminate the heavens.
Passing that couple again reminded me of the precious gift that is life. We should value it and cherish every moment here on earth. We will never know when our final trip is coming, but it will come for us all. I pray that mine comes many decades before Kaia’s.
The Birth of Kaia Grace and my affection for alligators
A little over a year ago we caught an 11 foot alligator in the lake at the apartment complex that I manage. It took the entire staff and 3 trappers to coax the gator onto the shoreline. Once he was hooked, the trappers worked quickly to secure his arms and tie up the 800lbs beast. With his arms tied, the perfectly evolved killing machine was neutralized. Observing the massive beast, it was a moment that I realize how perfect a creation this animal was, and how God is perfect in his design. Although his body and jaws were powerful, his arms were short and stubby, not strong enough to escape his captors. I felt guilty that we caught him. He was one of God’s first creations and has survived thousands of years without mankind’s hand. Yes, we were interrupting the natural order that God had put into place. The irony was that once he was caught, he struggled no more. His fate was sealed and he waited helplessly like a prisoner on death row waiting for the slow drip to start.
As our normal visit to the doctor’s office began, Mandi and I figured we would get a date for her to be induced. At almost 41 weeks, we figured Kaia was not in any rush to get here. As our mid-wife Donna inspected Mandi, she found she was only 3cm dilated. She asked Mandi if she would like her to strip her membrane? Mandi Agreed and began to brace for the pain. As Donna began to rupture the muscles bracing her cervix, Mandi’s grip on my hand began to tighten. The grimace on her face was a precursor for the days events. In 10 seconds, Donna was done and Mandi was getting dressed.
As I walked out of the room ahead of Mandi, I heard, “ I think my water just broke!”
“Huh….?” I said
With tears of joy and anxiety in her eyes, she said again “I really think my water just broke”
They quickly rushed her back into the room for further examination. Sure enough, a little tickle of the membrane started the flow. September 10th was to be our day as we were on our way to the hospital, but not without making a couple of stops.
First stop was to my mom’s house to drop off my car. I was still wearing my work shirt as I had planned to go into work immediately after my doctor’s visit. A quick hi and bye and we were off to our next visit.
A normal labor session can last from 2 -24hrs. During this time they do not allow you an ounce of food. Our next stop was through a Burger King drive thru to scarf down our last meal. From here on out we would be known as Kaia’s parents. As this makes me proud, I didn’t want it to come on an empty stomach!
Once we got checked in, we began to wait. Throughout the day we had a host of visitors. My brother showed up out of nowhere to bring flowers and a balloon. Mandi’s parents and best friends were there too. My mom came later to add comic relief along with old wives tales of how she used to deliver babies in England without “ Wit all dese fancy dancy ting dem”.
The sound of the Kaia’s heartbeat was constantly pulsating through the rooms chatter. The South Seminole Hospital suite offered a plenty of room and chairs to spread out. They do a very good job of making the patient and family feel very comfortable through this extremely stressful time. We were bunkered down with iphones, cameras, laptops and every peace of technology to usher Kaia into this world. This experienced was going to be captured and remembered not just digitally, but in the fibers of my mind.
As Mandi and I walked the halls of the 4th floor, I took in every smell and every taste I could. I paused to watch the sunset. In my mind, I knew the next time I saw my old friend the sun, it would be through the eyes of a father, and not of a child. The rush of emotions could only be expressed by the ear to ear grin on my face. My happiness and enthusiasm were not always well received when you are going through labor. This I learned very quickly.
The clock grew closer to 8 pm and we had been officially in labor for 9 hours. Mandi was being a trooper, but the overwhelming pain of the contractions had started to get to her. She needed the epidural and she needed it fast. Her winches and grip on my hand had grown increasing tighter as each contraction pulled her cervix further open. As the doctors arrived to implant the epidural needle, I held Mandi’s hand again. Although this procedure is used to ease the pain of childbirth, to me it only seemed to increase her discomfort. Over the next hour, the technicians would come back numerous times to adjust her implant. This was extremely frustrating but we it was 10 pm and we were looking to have this baby before the 9/11 date.
I was in the no mans land. Waiting for Kaia to get here with excitement, but suffering to see the person you love the most go through torturous pain to achieve that. All the while I am just a bystander in the production. With all of my abilities in the world, I could offer no assistance other than a kind word and a kiss on the forehead. I now felt the pain of that lonely alligator from our pond. My hands tied by fate and I could only wait for the mercy of the angels to release me. Kaia was taking her sweet time as God wanted to take a few extra moments in perfecting her
At 10:45pm we began the pitocin drip. I ran downstairs to the car to grab the baby bag that Mandi had been asking me about all day. I figured this was my last chance to get it before it was showtime. Mandi’s contractions were getting stronger and much more painful. Upsetting her was not an option, so if it was the baby bag she wanted; it was the baby bag she was going to get. On my way back to the room I saw our mid-wife Donna making her way alongside me. She asked if I was ready for this. I nodded with a smile. “ It’s Go Time!!” I answered.
Mandi is an amazing woman. Though she had birthed 3 children previously, this was a new environment and a new setting for her. Her normal coach was not there, and it is not her ex-husband at her side, but a guy she first met in 6th grade. Our love story is one for anther day and anther time, but the long short of it is this. Together, we made a child through love. It would take more than love though to bring her to life.
As I took my place next to Mandi in the room, she was 9 cm dilated and it was time to push. The room quickly cleared and Mandi was flanked by her best friend Melanie and me on the other side ( above the equator). Mandi’s Mother was close by encouraging her too as Donna began the delivery procedure.
With a few pushes I looked down and could see the head of our little girl began to emerge. Clutching Mandi’s hand and wiping away her tears, I continued to feel helpless the bitter-sweetness of the moment overwhelmed me. Tears began rolling down my face as I now knew the awesome wonder of God. Like never before, something from a simple smile in sixth grade brought to life a beautiful little girl. As Mandi made her final push, Kaia took her first breath. In that moment my heart was torn between my love for Mandi and my love for Kaia. I wanted to clutch our new baby shout on top of the highest mountain, but I also wanted to wipe the tears away from the person who had pushed herself beyond what I thought humanly possible. Again my arms were tied and short than ever. I was a squirrel in the middle of the road not knowing which side to go to?
As the medical tended to Kaia and got her cleaned up I focus my attention on Mandi. She was exhausted, but alert. I kissed her and thanked her with tears in my eyes. I quickly cut the umbilical cord and Kaia was ours. In a matter of moments we went from pure pain to pure joy. Kaia quickly latched on to Mandi’s breast and began feeding on colustrum. We were finally a family.
Through this birth it has made my faith stronger than ever before. I would love to take credit for any of this, but to God be the glory. At the point that I realized all of my abilities deemed useless against God’s will. Each child is perfect. Hand crafted by God and placed here for a reason. I do not know God’s complete plan for Kaia, but it is better for me to have my arms tied up, and let him do the guiding from here on out.
As our normal visit to the doctor’s office began, Mandi and I figured we would get a date for her to be induced. At almost 41 weeks, we figured Kaia was not in any rush to get here. As our mid-wife Donna inspected Mandi, she found she was only 3cm dilated. She asked Mandi if she would like her to strip her membrane? Mandi Agreed and began to brace for the pain. As Donna began to rupture the muscles bracing her cervix, Mandi’s grip on my hand began to tighten. The grimace on her face was a precursor for the days events. In 10 seconds, Donna was done and Mandi was getting dressed.
As I walked out of the room ahead of Mandi, I heard, “ I think my water just broke!”
“Huh….?” I said
With tears of joy and anxiety in her eyes, she said again “I really think my water just broke”
They quickly rushed her back into the room for further examination. Sure enough, a little tickle of the membrane started the flow. September 10th was to be our day as we were on our way to the hospital, but not without making a couple of stops.
First stop was to my mom’s house to drop off my car. I was still wearing my work shirt as I had planned to go into work immediately after my doctor’s visit. A quick hi and bye and we were off to our next visit.
A normal labor session can last from 2 -24hrs. During this time they do not allow you an ounce of food. Our next stop was through a Burger King drive thru to scarf down our last meal. From here on out we would be known as Kaia’s parents. As this makes me proud, I didn’t want it to come on an empty stomach!
Once we got checked in, we began to wait. Throughout the day we had a host of visitors. My brother showed up out of nowhere to bring flowers and a balloon. Mandi’s parents and best friends were there too. My mom came later to add comic relief along with old wives tales of how she used to deliver babies in England without “ Wit all dese fancy dancy ting dem”.
The sound of the Kaia’s heartbeat was constantly pulsating through the rooms chatter. The South Seminole Hospital suite offered a plenty of room and chairs to spread out. They do a very good job of making the patient and family feel very comfortable through this extremely stressful time. We were bunkered down with iphones, cameras, laptops and every peace of technology to usher Kaia into this world. This experienced was going to be captured and remembered not just digitally, but in the fibers of my mind.
As Mandi and I walked the halls of the 4th floor, I took in every smell and every taste I could. I paused to watch the sunset. In my mind, I knew the next time I saw my old friend the sun, it would be through the eyes of a father, and not of a child. The rush of emotions could only be expressed by the ear to ear grin on my face. My happiness and enthusiasm were not always well received when you are going through labor. This I learned very quickly.
The clock grew closer to 8 pm and we had been officially in labor for 9 hours. Mandi was being a trooper, but the overwhelming pain of the contractions had started to get to her. She needed the epidural and she needed it fast. Her winches and grip on my hand had grown increasing tighter as each contraction pulled her cervix further open. As the doctors arrived to implant the epidural needle, I held Mandi’s hand again. Although this procedure is used to ease the pain of childbirth, to me it only seemed to increase her discomfort. Over the next hour, the technicians would come back numerous times to adjust her implant. This was extremely frustrating but we it was 10 pm and we were looking to have this baby before the 9/11 date.
I was in the no mans land. Waiting for Kaia to get here with excitement, but suffering to see the person you love the most go through torturous pain to achieve that. All the while I am just a bystander in the production. With all of my abilities in the world, I could offer no assistance other than a kind word and a kiss on the forehead. I now felt the pain of that lonely alligator from our pond. My hands tied by fate and I could only wait for the mercy of the angels to release me. Kaia was taking her sweet time as God wanted to take a few extra moments in perfecting her
At 10:45pm we began the pitocin drip. I ran downstairs to the car to grab the baby bag that Mandi had been asking me about all day. I figured this was my last chance to get it before it was showtime. Mandi’s contractions were getting stronger and much more painful. Upsetting her was not an option, so if it was the baby bag she wanted; it was the baby bag she was going to get. On my way back to the room I saw our mid-wife Donna making her way alongside me. She asked if I was ready for this. I nodded with a smile. “ It’s Go Time!!” I answered.
Mandi is an amazing woman. Though she had birthed 3 children previously, this was a new environment and a new setting for her. Her normal coach was not there, and it is not her ex-husband at her side, but a guy she first met in 6th grade. Our love story is one for anther day and anther time, but the long short of it is this. Together, we made a child through love. It would take more than love though to bring her to life.
As I took my place next to Mandi in the room, she was 9 cm dilated and it was time to push. The room quickly cleared and Mandi was flanked by her best friend Melanie and me on the other side ( above the equator). Mandi’s Mother was close by encouraging her too as Donna began the delivery procedure.
With a few pushes I looked down and could see the head of our little girl began to emerge. Clutching Mandi’s hand and wiping away her tears, I continued to feel helpless the bitter-sweetness of the moment overwhelmed me. Tears began rolling down my face as I now knew the awesome wonder of God. Like never before, something from a simple smile in sixth grade brought to life a beautiful little girl. As Mandi made her final push, Kaia took her first breath. In that moment my heart was torn between my love for Mandi and my love for Kaia. I wanted to clutch our new baby shout on top of the highest mountain, but I also wanted to wipe the tears away from the person who had pushed herself beyond what I thought humanly possible. Again my arms were tied and short than ever. I was a squirrel in the middle of the road not knowing which side to go to?
As the medical tended to Kaia and got her cleaned up I focus my attention on Mandi. She was exhausted, but alert. I kissed her and thanked her with tears in my eyes. I quickly cut the umbilical cord and Kaia was ours. In a matter of moments we went from pure pain to pure joy. Kaia quickly latched on to Mandi’s breast and began feeding on colustrum. We were finally a family.
Through this birth it has made my faith stronger than ever before. I would love to take credit for any of this, but to God be the glory. At the point that I realized all of my abilities deemed useless against God’s will. Each child is perfect. Hand crafted by God and placed here for a reason. I do not know God’s complete plan for Kaia, but it is better for me to have my arms tied up, and let him do the guiding from here on out.
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