10 & 2

It’s amazing how you remember all of your proper driving protocols when you are carrying precious cargo.  I never took “Drivers Ed” in High School.  My parents let me drive the 1 mile back and forth to church every Sunday morning at age 15.  This was a small test in comparison to all of the midnight joyrides I used to take when they were sleeping.  When I turned 16, a driver’s license was a short multiple choice tests and a three point turn away.  As I learned quickly, real world driving took place at a much faster rate than I thought.  Glancing at the drivers book did nothing to prepare you for 20 ton 18 wheelers barreling on your back, real world driving was the only thing that could make you ready. Taking this into consideration, I chose to use the summer of my 16^th birthday as a “test track’ for my driving skills.  I was even able to convince my parents to let me drive to and from band practice without a license for a week.  By the time my 16^th birthday came, a license was a mere formality.  I was a seasoned driver with plenty of real world driving hours on my belt.  I took my drivers test the weekend before school started, just to make it legit.

A certain amount of adrenaline goes into your system the first time you do something.  Like riding a roller-coaster for the first time, the clickity clack of the ascent ushers in a sensation that something special is about to occur.  As I pulled the car up to the entrance of the hospital, I felt those butterflies all over again.  My little girl was coming home. 

My first obstacle was figuring out the child seat.   Not an easy task for a four door car.  Suddenly, good enough to get you from A – B was not good enough.  Cars and “car” seats don’t always make the perfect match.  Reading the instructions on proper installation of the child seat are easy, but the great debate continues on whether a child should ride forwards or backwards.  I took the advice of Aunt Kathleen and made sure Kaia’s seat was securely in backwards.  With anticipation I awaited for Mandi’s chariot wheelchair to arrive.  Seeing her and Kaia come out of the hospital doors was surreal.  It didn’t seem as though this fairy tale was real, yet I was a main character.  Nevertheless, Cinderella needed a ride home and I was driving the carriage.  

Once Kaia was securely in the car, Mandi hopped around to the back seat and sat with her.  My mind flashed to those driving books.  I remember to check all angles before pulling out of the parking lot.  With my hands firmly on 10 & 2, I slowly guided the car down 434 to I-4.  If I could show white knuckles I would have as I had tight grip on the wheel.  All of my driving senses came back to me as we navigated the 20 mile journey home.  My cell phone offered no distraction as phone calls and text messages tried their best to obstruct me from the road.  (I realized how many times I have put someone else’s Cinderella in harms way by looking at an unimportant text or email.  Nevermore will this happen.)    

Looking in my rear view mirror I could see Mandi smiling from ear to ear.  Our little princess was safely tucked in her Graco chariot.  We were heading home with the most precious gift ever given to us.  As I thanked God for this wonderful blessing, two things really hit home with me:

1

1. This was going to be a “joy” ride like none other.
2. I may need to buy a Mini Van

In transit

Most people do not know that I was born in New York. The Bronx to be exact. I claim most of my roots to be Jamaican eventhough I lived most of my life in Florida. The one thing I miss about living in New York are the trains. I love trains like nothing else. When living in the Bay area, I looked forward to taking the BART and Cal Train into the city. It offered such a sure transit to whatever destination you needed. It was a great way to get from A to B.

In California my girlfriend at the time and I used the BART as a way of Transportation. She lived in the mission district and I lived south of the city in San Mateo. We used the BART station in Burlingame as a way of transit depot for our two locations. Each way we were met with smiles of hello and frowns of good-bye. Our relationship came to an end we said goodbye one last time as she boarded a plane headed east to Boston. The feeling of sorrow stuck with me. Even though we tried to make it work over distance, our relationship was never the same.

I realized something during the birth of Kaia. As I was walking into the elevator that night to bring up the baby bag from the car, an elderly couple were just leaving. Our emotional states were polar opposite of each other. I was saying hello, and they were saying goodbye. It broke my heart to think that as I am having the most amazing experience of my life, they are experiencing the depth of human emotion also. This is all happening under one roof.

Hospitals are soul depot stations. They usher new ones in and take older ones away. I imagine looking at these places around the world with a view from space. I imagine seeing new lights flicker and burn bright as older ones burn through their last bit of oil. The radiance of souls passing through must illuminate the heavens.

Passing that couple again reminded me of the precious gift that is life. We should value it and cherish every moment here on earth. We will never know when our final trip is coming, but it will come for us all. I pray that mine comes many decades before Kaia’s.

The Birth of Kaia Grace and my affection for alligators

A little over a year ago we caught an 11 foot alligator in the lake at the apartment complex that I manage. It took the entire staff and 3 trappers to coax the gator onto the shoreline. Once he was hooked, the trappers worked quickly to secure his arms and tie up the 800lbs beast. With his arms tied, the perfectly evolved killing machine was neutralized. Observing the massive beast, it was a moment that I realize how perfect a creation this animal was, and how God is perfect in his design. Although his body and jaws were powerful, his arms were short and stubby, not strong enough to escape his captors. I felt guilty that we caught him. He was one of God’s first creations and has survived thousands of years without mankind’s hand. Yes, we were interrupting the natural order that God had put into place. The irony was that once he was caught, he struggled no more. His fate was sealed and he waited helplessly like a prisoner on death row waiting for the slow drip to start.

As our normal visit to the doctor’s office began, Mandi and I figured we would get a date for her to be induced. At almost 41 weeks, we figured Kaia was not in any rush to get here. As our mid-wife Donna inspected Mandi, she found she was only 3cm dilated. She asked Mandi if she would like her to strip her membrane? Mandi Agreed and began to brace for the pain. As Donna began to rupture the muscles bracing her cervix, Mandi’s grip on my hand began to tighten. The grimace on her face was a precursor for the days events. In 10 seconds, Donna was done and Mandi was getting dressed.

As I walked out of the room ahead of Mandi, I heard, “ I think my water just broke!”

“Huh….?” I said

With tears of joy and anxiety in her eyes, she said again “I really think my water just broke”

They quickly rushed her back into the room for further examination. Sure enough, a little tickle of the membrane started the flow. September 10th was to be our day as we were on our way to the hospital, but not without making a couple of stops.

First stop was to my mom’s house to drop off my car. I was still wearing my work shirt as I had planned to go into work immediately after my doctor’s visit. A quick hi and bye and we were off to our next visit.

A normal labor session can last from 2 -24hrs. During this time they do not allow you an ounce of food. Our next stop was through a Burger King drive thru to scarf down our last meal. From here on out we would be known as Kaia’s parents. As this makes me proud, I didn’t want it to come on an empty stomach!

Once we got checked in, we began to wait. Throughout the day we had a host of visitors. My brother showed up out of nowhere to bring flowers and a balloon. Mandi’s parents and best friends were there too. My mom came later to add comic relief along with old wives tales of how she used to deliver babies in England without “ Wit all dese fancy dancy ting dem”.

The sound of the Kaia’s heartbeat was constantly pulsating through the rooms chatter. The South Seminole Hospital suite offered a plenty of room and chairs to spread out. They do a very good job of making the patient and family feel very comfortable through this extremely stressful time. We were bunkered down with iphones, cameras, laptops and every peace of technology to usher Kaia into this world. This experienced was going to be captured and remembered not just digitally, but in the fibers of my mind.

As Mandi and I walked the halls of the 4th floor, I took in every smell and every taste I could. I paused to watch the sunset. In my mind, I knew the next time I saw my old friend the sun, it would be through the eyes of a father, and not of a child. The rush of emotions could only be expressed by the ear to ear grin on my face. My happiness and enthusiasm were not always well received when you are going through labor. This I learned very quickly.

The clock grew closer to 8 pm and we had been officially in labor for 9 hours. Mandi was being a trooper, but the overwhelming pain of the contractions had started to get to her. She needed the epidural and she needed it fast. Her winches and grip on my hand had grown increasing tighter as each contraction pulled her cervix further open. As the doctors arrived to implant the epidural needle, I held Mandi’s hand again. Although this procedure is used to ease the pain of childbirth, to me it only seemed to increase her discomfort. Over the next hour, the technicians would come back numerous times to adjust her implant. This was extremely frustrating but we it was 10 pm and we were looking to have this baby before the 9/11 date.

I was in the no mans land. Waiting for Kaia to get here with excitement, but suffering to see the person you love the most go through torturous pain to achieve that. All the while I am just a bystander in the production. With all of my abilities in the world, I could offer no assistance other than a kind word and a kiss on the forehead. I now felt the pain of that lonely alligator from our pond. My hands tied by fate and I could only wait for the mercy of the angels to release me. Kaia was taking her sweet time as God wanted to take a few extra moments in perfecting her

At 10:45pm we began the pitocin drip. I ran downstairs to the car to grab the baby bag that Mandi had been asking me about all day. I figured this was my last chance to get it before it was showtime. Mandi’s contractions were getting stronger and much more painful. Upsetting her was not an option, so if it was the baby bag she wanted; it was the baby bag she was going to get. On my way back to the room I saw our mid-wife Donna making her way alongside me. She asked if I was ready for this. I nodded with a smile. “ It’s Go Time!!” I answered.

Mandi is an amazing woman. Though she had birthed 3 children previously, this was a new environment and a new setting for her. Her normal coach was not there, and it is not her ex-husband at her side, but a guy she first met in 6th grade. Our love story is one for anther day and anther time, but the long short of it is this. Together, we made a child through love. It would take more than love though to bring her to life.

As I took my place next to Mandi in the room, she was 9 cm dilated and it was time to push. The room quickly cleared and Mandi was flanked by her best friend Melanie and me on the other side ( above the equator). Mandi’s Mother was close by encouraging her too as Donna began the delivery procedure.
With a few pushes I looked down and could see the head of our little girl began to emerge. Clutching Mandi’s hand and wiping away her tears, I continued to feel helpless the bitter-sweetness of the moment overwhelmed me. Tears began rolling down my face as I now knew the awesome wonder of God. Like never before, something from a simple smile in sixth grade brought to life a beautiful little girl. As Mandi made her final push, Kaia took her first breath. In that moment my heart was torn between my love for Mandi and my love for Kaia. I wanted to clutch our new baby shout on top of the highest mountain, but I also wanted to wipe the tears away from the person who had pushed herself beyond what I thought humanly possible. Again my arms were tied and short than ever. I was a squirrel in the middle of the road not knowing which side to go to?

As the medical tended to Kaia and got her cleaned up I focus my attention on Mandi. She was exhausted, but alert. I kissed her and thanked her with tears in my eyes. I quickly cut the umbilical cord and Kaia was ours. In a matter of moments we went from pure pain to pure joy. Kaia quickly latched on to Mandi’s breast and began feeding on colustrum. We were finally a family.

Through this birth it has made my faith stronger than ever before. I would love to take credit for any of this, but to God be the glory. At the point that I realized all of my abilities deemed useless against God’s will. Each child is perfect. Hand crafted by God and placed here for a reason. I do not know God’s complete plan for Kaia, but it is better for me to have my arms tied up, and let him do the guiding from here on out.

Sponge

So it is hard not look around. I have dreamed of this moment for is here. I am using all of my senses to soak up this moment. As Mandi and I were walking, I looked out the window and saw the sun shining through. It was a reminder of God looking down on us... I love this feeling... I want to soak it up like a sponge...

Sibling Compass

This week I had a surprise conversation with my mother and siblings. A small family business venture has turned into an item of hot contention. Our disagreement lead to my questioning of what my late father would have done in the situation. My moral compass is always set that of Emanuel King and the values taught to me as a child. Following God’s plan for your life means your compass will always point north. This has made me think of a few things prior to Kaia’s arrival.

My brothers and sister are a sounding board for the values of my parents. As I am the youngest of my siblings, I spent more time following their instructions than I did my own parents. When questions of life arose for me, they were posed to Wesley and Sean first before Olive and Emanuel. The thought of a college education was first explored on trip to Long Island University and my oldest brother Michael. In 6th grade when I first discovered the opposite sex, it was my sister’s intelligence and beauty that I compared every girl I met to. My family was and still is the single most significant indicator of who I am as a person today. I am grateful and blessed to have been given such a wonderful gift.

Kaia’s siblings will play a significant role in her development. Kaia will be blessed with three older brothers who will hopefully be a sounding board for her as she grows old. Long before she brings a date home to meet me, she will seek their advice. As she struggles in being a teenager, she will pose questions to them, and will never mention a word to me. One day should my time on earth be called, it may be one of them who walk her down the isle and give her away to be married instead of me. It will be their shoulders that she will lean on in her time of need when I am no longer around.

My role as a co – parent for these three boys has now taken on another dimension. It will no longer be just about the time that they are with me that I will need to be concerned about, but the times when I am gone…. I hope the words I have spoken and the actions I have taken will reflect positively on all of these children. In my efforts to be the best father I can be for Kaia, it will mean also being a role model for these young men as they will be for my daughter. It is my prayer that as I grow into a old man (maybe even a grandpa one day), the values that my mother and father taught me will live through these sets of siblings. The conversation that will be held between them will hopefully reflect the ideals and dreams that I hold close to my heart. As they are journey through life, I pray that their compass always points north, and the path they choose will be the one that is in God’s plan. This will be a challenge that will be ever present as the days turn into years, and decades will pass… As a parent, all you can do is your best, and leave the rest in God’s Hands.

Newton's Law

While sitting under a tree, it is said the concept of gravity became evident to Sir Isaac Newton. The falling of an apple has sparked one of the greatest minds in human history to create theories and expand our knowledge of the known world. The theory of the apple falling from a tree is a perfect analogy for relationship of a parent to a child just as it is for the theory of gravity. In most cases, a child will either choose to accept or reject those qualities displayed by a parent. It’s a bit too early to tell but I wonder where this apple will fall.

My imperfections are numerous. I often times need to remind myself of these as from time to time ones cranium can become swollen. My Achilles heal in life is lack of discretion for time. Call it the Jamaican in me; it is a never ending battle I face with Chronus. I have missed many trips and even a flight due to my inability to tackle this task, yet it has never really affected anyone else but me.

My poor sweetheart is in ruins right now. Unfortunately, our offspring has picked up early on my trait of timeliness and is taking her own sweet time to get here. That would normally be just fine for me, but her mother is very tired and needs this baby out ASAP. Seeing her pains make me wish Kaia would get then hint that so many people have dropped to me on numerous occasions and get here already. It is very evident how to me now how other people feel as I arrive late for occasions. This trait that is from my mother (not my father who would often leave my mom rather than be late) has seemed to make its ways to Kaia. Mandi is due tomorrow Sept 5th. The countdown is on to see exactly if Kaia will take after me or after her mother. On our most recent Dr.’s visit, the 1 cm dilation seemed to point us in the direction that Kaia might just be getting here a little later than planned…

I hope this apple falls far from my tree...